marriage counseling

We had a marriage counseling appointment today; my husband of 25 years & I ......Wow. It is good & bad & hard & crazy all rolled into one. This marriage thing is harder & better than I ever could have imagined. I'm praying we get better at it so it lasts the rest of our lives.It's been a long & complicated day (magnified by the intense heat in our country lately). Praying God keeps people safe in this heat

I hate headaches

I have been fighting an horrendous headache all day....uuuugggghhhh. I'll post more when it goes away.  ~But on the plus side, I tried Starbucks Tazo@ shaken  iced passion tea lemonade. Wow it rocks!

a long hot couple of days

      Did I mention I live in the Midwest? Have mercy, it has been out out here these days. Hot and humid. It was 85* at 10:30 this evening as I drove home from work. That's a bit high for us at this time of night.

      I cashier and work customer service at a major retail store in our area, so I'm on my feet all day & moving around quite a lot. Wow, does it ever get hot! 

      I've been wanting to get in the habit of posting to this blog every day, but I ended up working a 12 hr shift yesterday & just didn't have the energy for it last night.

       I was trying to think of witty or creative things to share tonight but I'm so stiff & sore & tired, I'm going to have to wait until tomorrow to add more. I need to get to bed.

a surprisingly great day

...wow, I've had a surprisingly great day with my husband today. I am so in love with that man. That's why it tears me up inside when he behaves as if he can barely tolerate me. But today, he has been sweet & tender, supportive and communicative. If I'm dreaming...ahhhh , I don't want to wake up.       
      It has been a wonderful day. I'm getting ready for work now, which still seems funny to me, but tonight I have a short late shift. Still, I'm very blessed to have this job. (they could have hired anyone last Fall, but the hired me) Fortunately most of the people I work with are really very nice too.
      I've been praying for the people in the Midwest today, because of the heatwave. It is for-cast to continue all through next week. I've been praying for my youngest son and his friends who are in the Chicago area this weekend for the Pitchfork music festival. It is a trip to see my kids grow into young adults. It still makes me laugh sometimes remembering I'm the 'grown up'. I don't feel that much more 'together' than I did in my youth.
      Well, more later, time to leave for work

late at night, when I can't sleep

which happens more often than not lately...my mind wanders, and I wonder about things...

~I wonder if I'll ever lose all the weight I've gained after three pregnancies, and an unusual number of broken bones and accidents over the last 10 years.

~I wonder if my children will come to terms with my humanity, and forgive my shortcomings (& hopefully understand that I have loved them as well as I am able ~more than my very life, but complicated by human frailty)

~I wonder if I will ever learn to be a good friend to anyone, or continue to let the emotional illness I've battled all my life keep me distant

~I wonder if the man who seemed to love me once, and says he loves me still (all the while being sure to hold me at arm's length) will ever decide I am valuable to him

~I wonder if he will ever have any passion inside for me; other than being passionately angry and disappointed with me

~I wonder (quite frequently) if I will reach the end of my life on Earth without ever having found someone who just loves me, in spite of my weaknesses, fears and flaws.....anyone who would choose just to love me because....no tests to pass, no price required, no strings attached

~I wonder if I am making any difference in this world for good? Am I helping to show anyone how amazing God's love is?

~now I wonder if I'll get the hang of this blogging thing  

a sad admission

Wonderful....here's where I get to admit that the reason I didn't add anything to my new blog for a few days is because I couldn't remember the exact web address. Yeah, now I feel even older. Marvelous....

& so it begins...

      Well, this is it...the beginning of a middle aged mom's adventure into the age of technology, & 'Blogging'

       Hopefully, I will prove successful & be able to share something that will encourage, lift up, or provoke a deeper thought from someone on the planet who needs it. 

       I mean really, that's why we are here. We're here for each other. Because admit it or not, we all need each other. So hopefully someone will be touched & changed for the better by the issues of life that I share. 

      Allow me please to introduce myself. I am not anyone special. I'm an average mom, wife of the same man for the last 25 years. I have lived in the Midwest all of my nearly 50 years on this planet. I am the mother of 5 children I greatly love. I am deeply in love with a man who often seems not to like me very much at all, but at one time convinced me that he loved me. We are thankfully seeking professional help; trying to come to terms with who we are and how we do and should relate to one another. I am facing the reality of all my children likely being out on their own within the next five years or so. Because this is the information age, at least for now, I'm not naming any names. Although I'm venturing to face my own fears, I don't want anything I share to 'come back' & hurt the ones I love....so No Names. I believe I can share enough details for nearly anyone to find some common ground without too much information. So here we go Earthlings...welcome to my world